A Ninja in Time
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: A wayward ninja finds himself accidentally cast out of his world and into a new one, with no way to return. Fortunately-or unfortunately-he's not the sort to give up. Stranded in a realm unlike any he's seen before, he does his best to adapt...until Time Pieces start raining from the sky. Pranks and shenanigans ensue. No real pairing here, unless folks ask for it.
1. Oh Peck No

**A/N: Double update.**

**Whoooo. Yaaaaaaaaay, I guess?**

**Sorry, I'm really stressed out at the moment. Why, you ask? Well:**

_Because someone cussed at me out of the blue, got out of his car, and all but tried to get into MY car. Through an open window. WHILE I WAS IN SAID CAR!** DRIVING IT! **Granted, I was driving slowly, but still! I closed the window in the bastard's face, and he took off! Do you have any idea how freaked out I am right now?! __I didn't even know the guy! I don't understand! Is this about my writing? Are people attacking me in real life because of it now? What did I do wrong?!_

_WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!_

**And THEN I come home to a sea of anonymous bullshit and angry PM's harassing me for writing. ARE YOU SODDING KIDDING ME?!**

**Now, I'm normally a nice person! I'm also a right tall bugger so it takes a lot to shake me up but consider me right and properly nettled!**

**HERE then. Have this. ****Because no one else would do it and I needed to get away from my Fate stuff a day. Granted, I only have two more new ones planned-followed by a slew of mass updates-but I had to get this out before my head burst or I started punching the wall or...worse.**

**So here, I put my heart and soul into this, just like everything else out there.**

**I wanted to write something nice, something simple, and funny.**

**...and spooky once we get to Subcon Forest, of course.**

**One final clarification, this is Post-Kaguya Naruto.**

**Oh, he's still young, I just thought I'd clarify.**

**As ever, this will be gone in two days if people don't like it. ****I do hope you like it T_T**

**I ask for nothing in return, just the occasional review. Is that so much to ask for? Just a few words...**

_"What the pecking **peck** are ya doin', ya daft peck neck?!"_

_"Gasp! Language!"_

_"Peck off!"_

_~?_

**Oh Peck No**

**_Entry #1:_**

_Where._

_The hell._

_Did I. LAND?!_

_One moment I was taking a nap after getting used to my new arm. I just...closed my eyes for a bit, ya know? Got a bit of shut eye. Didn't think much of it. Why should I? Nothing like a morning nap after surgery to soothe the nerves, you know? Again, I thought nothing of it. __Next thing I know, I'm on an island in the middle of nowhere! Literally!_

_I don't even know how I got here!_

_Stole this journal from one of the weird "Mafia" goons and started writing it. Hopefully it'll keep me sane. _

_Another thing to note:_

_I hit him on the head and he...exploded. Into smoke. Just...POP! Like a shadow clone. Weird._

**_Entry #2:_**

_Its been a week now._

_This isn't a dream or a genjutsu; I've bashed my head against a wall enough times to know that._

_How long have I been here? Days? Weeks? Months?_

_I tried water walking to see how far I could get and there was...nothing. Just an endless expanse of ocean stretching out to nowhere._

_How do I get home?_

**_Entry #3:_**

_Mafia this!_

_Mafia THAT!_

_Mafia, Mafia Mafia!_

_By the log, if I hear somebody say "Mafia" one more damn time...well, I don't know what I'm going to but its going to be unpleasant!_

**_Entry #4:_**

_It wasn't pleasant for them._

_Very pleasant for me, though. _

_What can I say? Orange looks good on everyone._

**_Entry #5:_**

_Me?_

_In charge?_

_Noooooooonononono!_

_I could rule the lot of them if I wanted to, but I DON'T want to. They're bad guys. Not the terrible murdery sort mind you, but still. Bad guys. I knock their heads together whenever I see them, and perhaps that keeps them from doing something particularly stupid. Who knows? Its fun to give them a good scare every now and again, I guess. Mafia was terrified! Mafia knew all along! Ha! Its not quite as satisfying as painting the Four Faces back in Konoha, but its a close second._

_Might do it again sometime._

**_Entry #6:_**

_Well! I seem to have picked up a...what's the word? A follower? An apprentice?_

_Reminds me of a storybook I read once as a kid. Little Red Riding Hood or somesmuch. Yeah, I think that's it. Just what is it with these people and not having proper names? Moustache Girl? Seriously? Confusing. Anyway, she keeps following me around. Apparently I'm a good guy. Well, obviously. I already knew that._

_Why the hell is she following me?_

_Moreover, why the hell is she calling me boss?_

_Geez, it almost reminds me of Konohamaru, really._

**_Entry #7:_**

_Set Kurama loose just to spook the Mafia. Worth it._

_Bastards just rebuilt practically overnight. Might have to do something about that._

_Question: does everything just respond at the end of the day? That shouldn't make any sense, but..._

**_Entry #8:_**

_Damn kid-I've taken to calling her Moustache Girl now-keeps pestering me to take over the island. Been blowing her off. I just want to go home. Its been...what, a year now? Nothing's changed. I tried stealing a boat but I didn't know how to sail the damn thing and wound up crashing it. At least the Mafia give us a wide berth nowadays. Not all of them. Have to knock a few skulls together sometimes just to remind them who they're messing with. Stubborn bunch._

_Another prank might be in order._

**_Entry #9:_**

_Oh. Great. Now its raining stars. Why wouldn't it be? _

_Seriously! I've had enough! I wanna go home!_

_Somebody get me outta here..._

* * *

_(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

_Awake!_

Naruto sputtered upright as a hat landed on his head. Flailing fiercely to no avail; his hands closed around handfuls of grass that did absolutely nothing to support him. For all his thrashing about he only crashed back down and smacked his head against an upturned root for his troubles. Stars burst before his vision and he reflexively curled inward on himself, shielding his eyes from the sun as much as the searing pain blazing behind his eyes even now squeezed tightly shut against it.

He must've fallen asleep somewhere in the interim; because he didn't remember falling asleep on a warm patch of grass.

After a moment's confusion, he finally found his journal where he'd left it; half open, its ninth entry left almost unfinished. Only after he'd snatched the worn red tome up and returned it to the customary pouch at his waist did he remember the hat. It rested against the tangle golden mane of his hair like a lazy seagull, content in its perch. Without thinking he sat up and plucked it from his head. It didn't even fit. Rather, it looked as though it had been fashioned for a child. Odd. Very odd indeed.

Little more than a purple top hat at that. Who would wear something like this? Why, for that matter?

"Now, where did you come from?" he wondered aloud at this strange headgear.

**"Collecting hats now, are we?"** a familiar voice chided in his mind.

Naruto rolled his eyes petulantly.

"Oh, shut up furball."

If it had any answers for him, the afternoon was loathe to given them. Eventually he conceded the fight and with a jaw-popping yaw, jolted to his feet. His body squawked in protest, annoyed by the sudden movement, yet no so out of practice that it refused to move outright. Hmm. He was getting stiff. Might be time to practice, but on whom? The blond blew a raspberry at his own morbid thoughts and reluctantly hopped down off his perch to find some semblance of breakfast. Preferably fresh.

Which meant he was probably going to have to catch a gull. Again. Damnit.

He'd have to find something decent to steal-eat!-seeing as these louts couldn't cook to save their lives.

He still didn't understand how that darn girl managed not to starve before he came along; most of the food here was god-awful!

Indeed, he'd only just made his decision; eyeing one of the birds perched up on a nearby pavilion, when a blur of purple in his peripherals caught his eye.

Then something thumped his back.

"Hey~!" a soft, petulant voice cried. "That's mine!"

For a being who had faced down gods and won, it didn't even tickle.

"What in the...?"

He looked around...then down.

At a glance his would-be attacker appeared to nothing more than a small human child with bright brunette hair. One clad in in a big, purple shirt bearing a bright yellow cape and a large zipper at that, alongside a pair of white pants and brown boots. She looked almost tiny compared to the foes he usually faced, and he wasn't at all inclined to take her seriously at first. Even less so, the bright blue umbrella clutched in her right hand. Aw. Somehow it made her seem even less a threat and more an adorable little girl without a hat.

Which was probably hers, going by the color scheme.

At first he wondered just how she'd managed to lose it in the first place. Then it came to him; the wind. There had been a particularly vicious storm two nights ago, and it had been wild ever since. Must've flown right off of her head when she wasn't looking. That it had somehow fallen on him while he was sleeping was just luck on his part, he supposed.

...this yours, then?" he offered the worn headgear, spinning it on a finger. "Think you dropped it."

Her little head bobbed earnestly, her turquoise eyes never leaving him.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, then.

"You got a name, kiddo?"

She fidgeted shyly.

Naruto knew that look.

"Alright, no need to give me the puppy-dog eyes. Here." With one deft flick of the wrist the hat sailed back to her. "Have it back, then."

Her face lit up and in a single deft motion she snatched it out of the hair and planted it on her head. "Thank you~!"

"You new around here?" he asked, after a moment's hesitation. "Haven't seen you before."

She shook her head, waved, and skittered off like a startled spider.

Didn't even linger overlong to wave, at that.

He'd seen that same expression staring back at him from the mirror as a boy. Hers was...worse. Much worse. Not only was she lost and confused, but the poor thing was outright terrified. And unlike him, she didn't have an array of earth-shattering powers to keep her attackers at bay. He'd only glimpsed her anxiety for the merest of moments, but it was enough. He shouldn't get involved. He _really _shouldn't get involved, not when he'd already had his own share of misadventures to deal with, and he certainly didn't need to take on more.

And yet..._and yet...!_

To his credit, he made it all of ten seconds.

Then he hopped down off the crate and started following her.

He wasn't worried about her, he told himself, no, not at all, not in the least...

"Hey, kid" He called out after her rapidly retreating back. "Slow down, there! _Wait up!"_

**A/N: As ever, this will be gone in two days if people don't like it. Just putting that out there."**

**I do hope you like it T_T****A/N: **

**There.**

**Plenty of madness and mayhem ahoy!**

**Pranks! Tricks! Traps! Laughter, this'll have it all!**

**Just a fluffy little bit of friendship and happiness. I needed that after all that dark shit I've been writing. If I wanted to, I could tie this into the "A Most Unlikely" series, but I won't. I'm going to show some restraint here.**

**I wrote **

**Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure there ain't gonna be no romance in this story. Just consider Naruto a big brother of sorts. **

**This is mean to make you smile dear reader, and I truly hope I managed to accomplish that.**

**Aaaaaaaaand there we be! Still updating this despite the lack of DLC.**

**Why isn't it coming to consoles for crying out louuuuuuuud?!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**Get ready to laugh.**

**(Previews)**

_"Hey kiddo...wanna play a prank?"_

* * *

_"MAFIA KNEW ALL ALONG! SPACE ALIEEEEEEEEENS!"_

* * *

_"Wait a second?! Where did she go-_

_A mud pie sailed into his face at reckless speed._

_His hand rose slowly, ponderously, scraping the goo from his face. "Y__ou. Run. Now."_

_With a delighted shriek the child bolted back the way they'd come. Slippery little devil...!_

* * *

_"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"_

_A blond brow rose. "Really, now? We're going to play that game?"_

_"Tough customer, eh?" Snatcher scoffed. "Doesn't matter. You're not going any-_

_Without word or warning, he found himself face with a golen fox the size of a mountain...with a maw to match._

_...tell you what. Why don't you just run along and we'll pretend this never happened. You never saw me, I never saw you."_

* * *

_"Mafia is fastest man alive!"_

_Blue eyes gleamed. "Wanna run that by me again?"_

* * *

_"Who do you work for?"_

_As if summoned by that very inquiry, a__ looming face burst over her shoulder. __"WHY HELOOOOOOOOOOO THERE!"_

_Hat Kid offered little more than a small, smug smile as her would be accoster flinched spectacularly. It was more than enough. __"__Him."_

**R&R~! =D**


	2. No Contract Here

**A/N: Sorry if this seems short, its meant to be.**

**The last chapter for Remnants of a Shinobi got shredded, so I thought I'd return to me roots for a bit and get away from what's stressing me out as of late.**

**I love writing RWBY stuff, truly I do, but sometimes the fans can be a bit too...enthusiastic.**

**On that note, ****I've been cranking out updates every two days now, rather than one. ****What can I say? ****My health just can't handle constant updates, and it makes my stories suffer when I try to rush them out.**

**Writing something purely for entertainment's sake, you know? A story without a bunch of angry trolls and flamers howling for my head, telling me to die, hang myself, that sort of thing. Not many folks know of this story, so I should be safe from those here.**

**Of course I have a plan for this. A Hat In Time is just too wholesome to ignore...even if I'll never get to play the DLC on my Xbox. I ain't buying the game twice just to do that!**

**So, sit back, and enjoy the sweet, sugary, fluffy goodness.**

**Its short I know, but its also so very sweet.**

**Big Brother Naruto is best Naruto~!**

_"Boop."_

_"Stop that."_

_"Boop."_

_"Seriously, stop!"_

_...boop!"_

_"THIS MEANS WAR!"_

_~?_

**No Contract Here (Interlude)**

_Snatcher considered himself a simple man...erm, spirit._

Yes, a simple spirit with simple needs.

When you weren't bound by the traditional mortal coil you did what you could to pass the time, and he had entirely too much of it on his nonexistent hands. Didn't help that Subcon forest wasn't the liveliest of places even at the best of times beyond the odd visitor. Oh, he had no end of tricks and traps for those who wandered into his domain, but he didn't derive any pleasure from the traps themselves. Those were merely a means to an end. It was the contracts that he enjoyed, and those poor unlucky sods who wandered INTO said traps and were subsequently forced to sign them.

He _reveled_ in their terrified expressions, the way they wriggled and writhed when they tried to decide.

And once they served their purpose, off came their heads. Good deal all around, that.

Why, you might even say it put a smile on his face!

_So when not one, but two mooks stepped into one of his traps one lovely evening, he was positively ecstatic to ambush them._

**"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS! **He expected screams of terror, when he reared out of the ground and ambushed them. Horror at the very least. **"What do we have here?! Two idiots for the price of one! Even better!"**

The Kid In the Hat -he immediately dubbed her Hat Kid for short- looked absolutely harmless, but her companion set off alarms.

There was...something in that one's eye. Something he didn't like. Something that felt a little too like..._him_...but stronger.

He dismissed it out of 't like 'ol blondie over there could hurt him or anything. Nope. No threat at all!

**"That's right!"** he cackled, doubling over with barely contained glee.** "You blew it! You totally screwed yourselves! Nobody enters my home and leaves in one piece!"** And now came the bait. **"Tell you what, though. Hang on a minute!"** his already wide grin grew to sinister proportions, solely for dramatic effect.** "You get to live! That's right! Aren't you two lucky?!"**

...why were they smiling at him?

**"Normally, I'd eat your soul and toss your bodies, but you two got lucky! You won the lottery, because I just happen to be missing a braindead servant!"** Why the devil were they still smiling at him?! Bah. On with the old monologue. **"That's right! The old one got himself killed, his head popped off, and now I need a new towel boy."** he squinted at the smaller of the pair sitting on the blond's shoulders. **"Or are you a girl? Eh, doesn't matter!"** With a flick of his nonexistent wrist, he conjured a pair of contracts before them. **"Tell you what! I've got two pieces of paper here! Don't worry about the details! I just need you to sign right here at the bottom."**

Neither made any move to do so.

**"Now, now, don't make this difficult. Sign the paper."**

A blond brow rose. "Really, now? We're going to play that game?"

**"Tough customer, eh?"** Snatcher scoffed. **"Doesn't matter. You're not going any-**

Without word or warning, he found himself face with a golden fox the size of a mountain...with a maw to match. Had snatcher possessed a physical jaw, it would've been hanging _wiiiiide_ open right about now. His mouth settled for gawking instead Oh. Well. He hadn't been expecting that. Least of the person sitting inside its skull with that kid _still _perched on his back like some kind of monkey. Now it was looking at him like he was lunch. Urk. Maybe a contract wasn't such a good idea after all.

**"Oh, what the blue hell."**

"Not quite," the beast grinned at him. "Try again."

Hat Kid waved at him merrily, holding the contract she'd been given. As the spirit looked on aghast, she began to doodle on the damn thing. On _his _contract! His property! Little runt! He would've paid more attention or told her a thing or two, but there was a _giant freaking fox _in his face.

**...tell you what."** Snatcher croaked, dabbing a bead of sweat from his brow as the creature loomed over him. **"Why don't you two just run along down the road and we'll pretend this never happened. How does that sound? You never saw me, I never saw you."**

A giant hand seized him by the scruff of his neck and hauled him toward those jaws.

"Nope. No, no, no." Naruto beamed. "You're not getting out of this that easily."

Hat Kid presented Snatcher with the now very much altered paper.

Said spirit glanced at the writing and began to balk.

**"Tha-That's not how contracts work!"**

"Who said you had a choice?"

_Snatcher had a bad time._

**A/N: Smug Hat Kid is best Hat kiD.**

**Felt nice to write a little interlude like this while the batteries recharge.**

**There, much better. Feels good to write something where I don't have to focus on ten thousand moving parts for a plot, you know?**

**Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure there ain't gonna be no romance in this story. Just consider Naruto a big brother of sorts. **

**This is meant to make you smile dear reader, and I truly hope I managed to accomplish that.**

**Aaaaaaaaand there we be! Still updating this despite the lack of DLC.**

**Why isn't it coming to consoles for crying out louuuuuuuud?!**

**So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**Get ready to laugh.**

**(Preview)**

_"Why are you dancing so smugly?!"_

_The dancing intensified._

* * *

_...best brother ever."_

_"Aw kid, you're making me blush."_

_She kicked at his shoulders and pulled his hair. "Onward, faithful steed!"_

_"I take it back."_

**R&R~! =D**


End file.
